What Charlotte Taught Us About Grief

I understand that a traditional birthday song isn't what's resonating in your hearts right now. I recently found myself waking in the dead of night to a heart-wrenching silence, the vibrant life that used to fill my little girl, Charlotte, extinguished. The persistent medical alarms, the struggles for breath, the extended hospital stays, and the visiting nurses had all ceased. An eerie silence enveloped our home. This may come as a surprise, but we had hoped for this stillness. We had prayed for Charlotte's suffering to end, believing she would be better off beyond this life.

The following period was more challenging than we could have ever imagined. Ordinary scenarios became a theater of grief, like standing in line at Target as my second child, Lincoln, responded to a stranger's innocent question with, "my sister is dead." Lincoln had lost her confidante, her partner in mischief and play, and she was grappling with the reality of it in her own way.

Before I share what I've learned, I want to clarify that I don't have all the answers. Each person's journey through grief is unique, and every counselor, pastor, or psychologist will tell you the same. Yet, there are some strategies that have helped us through this journey, most of which we learned from Charlotte herself.

1. **Give yourself permission to rest**: It's okay to not be okay. What's not okay is pretending everything is fine. When life feels overwhelming, remember to pause and reflect. We used to find solace in holding Charlotte, looking into her eyes, and forgetting the world's problems for a while. It's essential to take that time for yourself.

2. **Find a support network**: Grief can feel isolating, but remember that you are not alone. While it may seem that others won't understand your pain, they can provide invaluable comfort and support. Surround yourself with those who can lend a helping hand, provide a listening ear, or even make you a cup of coffee. If you don't have a support network, reach out to local community organizations, churches, or online support groups.

3. **Show love to others**: While it may seem counterintuitive to focus on others when you're hurting, it can be healing. In our darkest moments, reaching out to other parents in similar situations provided comfort. Just as Jesus gave of himself for others in his most challenging moments, you too might find strength and solace in being there for someone else.

Lastly, remember to **speak about your grief**. Denying your pain will only hinder your healing process. Acknowledge your brokenness and seek help. There's no shame in therapy or counseling. It can help you navigate through this grief, not only for your sanity but also for your relationships and your other responsibilities.

Feel free to reach out to Stephanie and I anytime at info@thecharlotteletter.com. We're here for you, and we read all emails personally. You're not alone!